


Horizon

by wonderwhump



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Episode AU: s05e22 Swan Song, Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, Post-Season/Series 06 AU, Season/Series 06, Virtual Season/Series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-04-20 08:57:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14257440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderwhump/pseuds/wonderwhump
Summary: AU ending for 5.22 “Swan Song” + Alternative Season 6Dean never intended to keep his promise.After saying goodbye to Bobby, Dean is surprised when Castiel is still by his side. He is more than just surprised when he gets his biggest wish fullfilled, because when did that ever happen without consequences?





	1. Shelter

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Supernatural. I am just borrowing some of its characters to share an idea I'd had for a while.

„All I got is my brother... In a hole!“

Castiel didn't respond, it's not like Dean had expected him to. What was there to say? He had just lost everything, Sam was his whole life, nothing would ever change that. And Cas got what he wanted. The Apocalypse was over, Lucifer back in his cage, and the big guy upstairs had just personally brought Cas back from the dead and kind of promoted him to the leader of the pack. He and Dean had shared a special connection, yes, but it's not like the angel had the same kind of bond with Sam. If you really thought about it, the guy figured out what friendship and emotions were a few months ago, so how could Dean Winchester blame him that he didn't care about what happened next on this literally god-forsaken planet? He was obviously working up to saying goodbye before zapping back to heaven and leaving Dean all alone. The last of the Winchester family. Again.

“What are you planning to do about that?”, said the calm voice form his right.

For the first time in minutes, Dean took his eyes off the road briefly to look at the man next to him. It was then when Dean noticed how much time had passed before Castiel had responded.

“What do you mean?”, Dean asked back, staring at the road in front of him again. “You mean how am I going to spend the rest of my time while my brother is damned for eternity?”

“If I thought you trying to lead a non-destructive lifestyle was actually an option I would not be here anymore”, Castiel answered, still perfectly calm. “But I know you can not leave your brother in that cage. So should I repeat my question of are you going to give me an answer?”

The answer he got were the shrieking brakes of the Impala as Dean stopped the car abruptly in the middle of nowhere, before turning off the car and turning in his seat to look directly into the blue eyes of the Angel. 

“Dean?”

“What's it to you, huh? You got what you wanted. Just go already”, Dean spoke very quietly, his eyes murderous.

“This is not-”, Cas started, but he didn't get a chance to explain before Dean opened the door and stepped out of the car. He slammed the door and leaned his hands against the roof trying to compose himself. Just go. Don't lie to me and tell me you care, don't tell me you understand, because you don't.

The other car door opened and a moment later Castiel was staring at him across the black painted metal. The flickering street light behind him reminded Dean of the time they first met – it seemed kind of fitting that´this should be the end. 

Afraid Castiel would start explaining himself again, Dean took a shuddering breath trying to keep his voice from shaking.

“What I do next is none of your business. It's none of Bobby's business. And to be clear, it's none of Sam's freakin' business either! Do you know what he wanted me to do Cas? To go and live some normal life, like I could just forget all that happened, like I could ever not think about what they are probably doing to him down there right now-”, his voice broke at the end of the sentence and he turned away, hoping not to break down. He closed his eyes and rubbed a hand over his face.

Shit. He could feel tears coming. Also, Castiel was standing right next to him now.

“It is my business Dean. Because you are my friend and you need my help.”

“What?”, Dean opened his eyes, seeing only a foggy image of the person talking to him.

“You want to get Sam back. You are going to need my help doing that. Did you thing I was going to abandon you in your time of need?” Castiel frowned, not in an angry way, he seemed confused. Like he was actually struggling to understand how Dean could expect him to simply leave.

“I thought...”, Dean began, but nothing plausible came to him. The angel had stood by him all this time. Just like he was standing beside him right now. Then there was nothing in Deans mind but those familiar eyes in the shade of the clear sky, speaking from the inside of the heart. The hand on his shoulder. The voice calling his name.

“Dean?!”

“Yeah.” Dean blinked, shifting to signal to Cas, who immediately took his hand away, that the moment had passed. He could imagine the gears in his friends head turning, trying to work out what to say next, how to be as sensitive and supportive as possible. Dean decided to make it a little easier for him. 

Without another word, the hunter turned around, opened the door on the drivers side and got back into the car. Before he had even gotten around to turning the key in the ignition, Castiel was sitting next to him again, staring forward into the endless night. 

 

The sun was beginning to stretch through the lower branches of the trees when the black Chevy pulled into the driveway. The gravel cracked beneath the tires, which reminded Dean of the last few times he had been here. A feeling of safety and calmness washed over him for a moment, almost making him forget that this wasn't like the other times he and Sam had crashed here after a hunt. The edge of the woods, the quiet of wilderness, no checking into a motel room, only his brother and him, enjoying a little bit of downtime before the next life-threatening gig.

“Who lives here?” That's right. Castiel was with him. Sam wasn't here.

“Nobody”, Dean didn't look at the man to his right. “It's kind of a safe house. It belonged to one of Bobby's hunter friends, after he died he wanted it to be used by hunters who needed shelter. Don't think anyone else is using it right now.”

When Castiel did'nt answer and the two of them sat in the silence for a moment, Dean realized how tired he was, now that he wasn't driving anymore. When was the last time he'd slept? Two days ago? More?

“Listen, Cas... I need to recharge for a few hours, so if you want to go off and do your thing in heaven...”, he started, finally looking at the other man. He immediately regretted it when a yawn escaped him and there was no chance to hide his human need to rest.

“I'll stay with you” 

Ok then.

Dean unlocked the door and walked into the living room, dropping his bag onto the floor. Castiel closed the door behind him and looked around the house.

“This looks a lot like Bobby's place”, the angel said, picking up a book from the several piles around the room.

Dean smiled. “Yeah, sure does” He sat down on the couch and looked at his phone. 

Castiel put the book back onto the pile and nodded. 

 

He felt like he should call Bobby, tell him he wasn't on his own... but he felt like that would be a lie. Bobby didn't deserved to be lied to, he was the one who was, once again, all alone. He had lost someone today, too. Guilt made him put his phone on the table next to the couch. He took a deep breath, his eyes following Castiel through the room.

So there they were. No more journey to make, no devil to defeat, just Dean and Cas and the house in the middle of nowhere. Somehow, that thought of just taking care of himself made Dean nervous. He should be working on the only task that mattered; getting Sam back.

“Dean?”

“Hm?” Just when he reacted to Castiel he realized that he had been nodding off. He liftet his head from the back of the couch and looked at the man standing in front of him.

“It's okay. Lay down.”, Castiel pushed him to the side gently, until Dean laid his head down on one of the pillows of the couch. Dean noticed that his eyelids must have dropped closed again, because he only felt Castiel lift his legs onto the couch. 

He wanted to tell him to wake him up in a few hours, to not stare at him, to start with research if he really wanted to help.  
“Go to sleep, Dean. You're not alone.”, he might have murmured a few of his demands, something that made Castiel feel like he needed to reassure him that it was okay to relax. He had it under control until Dean woke up.

But he was alone. This was his mess to deal with, and his alone. Without Sam, there was nothing, no matter how many people stood by him, Dean knew that. He took a shaky breath, trying to calm himself, his mind still racing and not allowing him to tear itself away from Sam and the grief attached to every thought of him. 

Just when he thought he could not take it anymore and tried to push himself up again, he was met with Castiel's hand on his arm. He did not mind, which was definitely because he was barely conscious. 

In the moments before oblivion he heard Castiel whisper to him, words he would not remember until a later time.


	2. Resume

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much to all the people who gave kudos or bookmarked this story :)

Dean opened his eyes long before he did anything else. He didn't move or stretch out his stiff limbs, he just laid there, in the brightly lit living room, looking out of the window on the opposite wall. It was pitch black outside, he could hear the trees rustling gently in the wind.

He could feel how hungry he was and how much he really wanted to get into the shower, but getting up from the couch seemed like such an impossible task, not the mention what was to come after that. However, the door opening and a trench coat wearing man walking into the room suddenly gave him the motivation to sit up and rub a hand over his face.

Castiel seemed to have predicted Deans needs, holding out his hands with a water bottle and a cereal bar, served with his trademark shy smile. It was hard to tell if he felt as awkward as Dean about the little moment they'd shared before.

“Thanks, Cas” Dean took his late (or early, he still had no idea what time it was) breakfast and opened the bottle before drinking a few sips. “How long was I out?”

“You've been asleep for about 18 hours, I think”

“Wow, okay. Sorry to keep you from your heavenly duties so long.”

“Don't apologize. You needed it. I did some listening to angel radio, but I turned it off for now. They know I'm down here, taking care of some things. They'll be waiting for me”

Dean nodded, avoiding eye contact. He suspected that there weren't that many things Castiel needed to take care of down here. Only one thing that couldn't take care of himself. A voice inside him, one that sounded a lot like John Winchester, told him to feel embarrassed and guilty. But somehow he knew Castiel belonged right here with him.

“Cas...”, Dean got up from the couch and tried to think of a sentence that wasn't to awkward to say and look the other man in the eyes at the same time. “I'm going to be honest with you here. I don't even know how to start with this one. I mean... We spent months trying to find a way to stop Lucifer without any of us having to give ourselves up. And we couldn't do it. The only reason I'm looking for a way to get Sam out of there is because I can't live with him in there. I just can't.”

Castiel stared at him, not saying a word.

“Do you get what I'm saying? There is, like, zero chance of success here... I don't want to waste your time. I want you to stay, but... you know?”

What the hell was he even trying to say?

Why was he so nervous all of a sudden?

And how was Castiel standing only a few inches away from him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

“I'm here.”

That's what Castiel had said to him when he'd been falling asleep.  
“Dean, I'm here. Not just because you need me to get your brother back. I want to be here for you.”

In just a split second, the room seemed too small, like the walls around them had closed in on them and there was no air coming in at all. Dean looked down at Castiel's fingers, then right into the icy blue around his pupils that made him shiver. All the times he'd complained about Cas being to close to him seemed ridiculous now. He wanted to reach out, touch his face, his skin, feel the warmth.

He had wanted to do that for a long time.

The problem was, or so he had told himself, it had not been the right time. Not while literally fighting against the devil, trying to save the world. But now all of that was over. He still had a job to do, but there would always be a job. It would never be the right time.

But Deans heart was beating erratically nonetheless.

Castiel must have felt it,because why else was he smiling, his hand sliding from Dean's shoulder to his wrist, as if asking for permission to take his hand. Dean's eyes moved to Cas' lips, his hand reaching for his face, all of the guilt and pain of the last hours numbed by a feeling that he hadn't felt in a long time.

They both jumped when the ringtone of Dean's cellphone cut through the silence. Dean was across the room, looking at the screen in a split second. Castiel was looking at the ceiling like it was the most enlightening thing since the ten commandments even faster.

“Sorry”, Dean whispered at him.

He didn't recognize the number. But it looked like a payphone. In Kansas.

 

Sometimes, people sense things even before they really happen. They feel something, deep in their guts, even when it defies all logic. They weirdest thing that could have happened to Dean Winchester, in the middle of nowhere in an pretty uncomfortable situation with a good friend who just happened to be an angel, was his brother calling him after stopping the apocalypse by jumping into a black hole in the ground. You could say that Deans life and logic didn't cross paths that often.

Which is, maybe, why Dean knew how he needed to answer his cellphone, even if it seemed like the last thing he would ever be doing again.

“Sam?”

“Hey Dean”, his brothers voice answered.

For a few seconds, nobody said anything. Dean looked at Castiel, who stared back with a shocked expression. Dean knew exactly what was going on in that reasonable head of his. A static sound in his ears seemed to drown out everything else, Castiel came closer.

“Where are you?”, he said, his voice so quiet he could barely hear it over the noises of his mind trying to make sense of what was happening.

“A payphone, two streets from the cemetery. Listen Dean- it's me, I can't prove it right now but I-”, Sam's voice was getting higher, probably scared Dean would hang up. Which would make complete sense. More sense than this actually not being a trap.

“I know it's you, Sammy”, Dean said. If he would have been functioning normally, he was sure he would have heard his heard break. “I'll be right there. I'll come and get you.”

“Okay.”

They both hung up at the same time. Whatever there was to discuss, trap, delusion, the impossible thing actually happening, it would have to wait until they were face to face.

Like him an Cas right now.

“Dean...”

There it was. The voice of reason, trying to tell him as nice as possible that this couldn't have been his brother, his brother was dead, this was some demon, a shapeshifter, his mind completely going off the rails, anything but Sam being back.

“Save it Cas. I know what you're trying to say. If you're actually concerned, come with me. I'm going.”

This was the version of Dean that people got to see, the side of him that would do and say anything to be with his brother. Castiel knew that, but it still stung. He wasn't jealous of Sam, of course not, they were not competing for the same thing. But in that moment, it became once again clear to him that there would always be something that would keep Dean from putting himself first, to live for himself. And it didn't make the slightest difference if the person Dean loved most was dead or alive.

Castiel said none of his thoughts aloud. Instead, he nodded, touched Dean's forehead with two of his finger and prepared for whatever was waiting for them.

 

Sam Winchester was shaking. That was the first thing that came to him after he hung up the payphone and stepped outside into the overwhelming silence. It wasn't cold outside, it had probably been a warm day and this was a warm summer night. Something inside of him was trying to tell him that he should be shivering, but he couldn't remember why. He could not tell how much time had passed since he had taken a leap into nothingness, and what had happened to him since then.

He hadn't asked Dean anything, if he was alone or where, hadn't told him where he was planning to stay overnight. This was just now catching up with him, as well as the realization that Dean hadn't spoken very much, either.

A nervous chuckle escaped him, just as the stifling need to sit down and lean against something made him lay a hand against the phone booth. He hoped Dean wasn't in as much of a shock state as he was, but who was he kidding? This was his brother, who just had a phone call from someone who was supposed to be in hell with the devil for god knows how long.

Now he just felt stupid. He'd presumably given his brother a heart attack.

“Sammy?”, a voice not far from his left made him jump. He hadn't heard anyone approaching him. Much less the person the voice belonged to.

Dean was standing right in front of him, a familiar man in a trench coat behind him. The weird thing was that he looked even more shocked at seeing Sam than his own brother. Dean just looked... overwhelmed.

“Dean, it's actually him.”

Sam barely saw his brothers eyes light up before he felt arms around him, Deans head on his shoulder, his short hair scratching his ear. Just like so many times before, Sam hugged his brother back, the both of them holding on for dear life.


	3. Above Ground

It felt like watching himself on the TV, half asleep on the motel bed. That's how Sam would describe the next few hours if he had to.

The three of them standing there, his brother beaming at him. 

Castiel being back. Being told that Bobby was alive.

The Cabin. The Impala. The drive back to Bobby's.

It did not feel like time passed especially quick, more like one situation blending into another, like he hadn't actually walked from the door to the car, but had just ended up there. And this was not because Castiel had zapped him there, once was enough. He'd just gotten back from hell, for god's sake.

“Should I call before we get there, or should we make it a whole rip-the-bandaid-off-quickly-situation?”, Dean asked from the driver's seat.

“He would never believe it if we told him over the phone. He'll most likely think we're something trying to trick him even when we're right in front of him”, Sam didn't know why, but the thought of Bobby's mistrust made him smile. He wasn't easily fooled, that was one of the traits that made him so dear to Sam. 

Dean snorted. “Fair enough”, he said.

According to Dean he had been gone for about 36 hours, one and a half days he could not remember a single second of. His brain was likely still catching up with the situation. He kind of hoped it never would.

Bobby's driveway.

Dean trying to get a word in before Bobby took a swing at both of them.

Taking a swig of holy water in the living room.

Bobby's hands holding his face. Bobby hugging him. Bobby saying something that made him smile and his eyes water at the same time. 

Castiel's deep voice saved him from his struggle for words. “I should leave.”, he suggested. Sam was surprised when Dean only nodded instead of asking Castiel to stay. 

“Cas, can you help me with a translation before you go?”, Sam asked.

“Of course.” 

Thank god. He just needed a few minutes alone with him, without Dean or Bobby suspecting anything fishy going on. And to be honest, there really wasn't. But Sam had questions and Castiel had answers, he just didn't trust him to be completely honest with Dean around. 

 

Sam walked out to the Impala, he could hear Castiel following him by the soft sound of the gravel beneath their feet. He'd never noticed the sound was that penetrating, just like he couldn't remember the that the summer air smelled almost sweetly. It was like he'd spent months inside a house, curtains drawn, with no connection to the outside world.

When Sam opened the trunk and turned to face the angel, he was standing there with his arms crossed and eyebrows raised. Sam had seen that gesture many times before on someone else. Castiel copying it was actually endearing. The simple fact that he could tell by now that Sam was lying by studying his behavior told him just how much time they had been spending with each other. And how utterly in over his head Dean was with the whole situation, because he obviously hadn't noticed.

“Can you tell if there is anything wrong with me? Is this some kind of trap? Is... is Lucifer still in the cage?”, the thoughts had been in his mind the second he'd come back, but he knew that Castiel was the most qualified and the least blinded by the joy of just being handed back a loved one from the dead.

“You are the same Sam Winchester that sacrificed himself to save everyone else. As far as I can tell, your soul is intact. And if I thought that Lucifer was not where he belonged, I would not be standing here.”, Castiel said all this in a calm and certain manner. He had been expecting something like this.

“Then why did you come here with us all this way?”, Sam took a step towards the angel. “Did you have to make sure? Are you sure now?”

“If I hadn't been sure it was safe from the minute I saw you, I would never have let your brother near you, much less would I have gotten in a car with you.”

Sam let out a small laughter and shook his head. This guy really had an answer for everything.

One more matter. The most important one.

“If it turns out that your wrong or you overlooked something or... something happens. If we didn't win and he wants to use me again...”, Sam could not look Castiel in the eye. “You have to protect Dean and everyone else. Because he won't be able to do it yourself.”

“I know what you're saying Sam, but let me tell you again: I know it's just you in there. I would recognize my brother if he was with you”, Cas said, still perfectly calm and patient.

This made Sam look Castiel in the face again. Sometimes he forgot how hard all of this must have been on him. All of the angels, no matter how bad, they were his blood. And now the young Winchester was asking him to kill one brother and thus make the other one hate him forever, should anything go south. Welcome to the family, Cas.

“I'm sorry, Cas. I know you lost so much. And now I'm putting this on you”, Sam ran his hands through his hair, the action seeming weirdly unfamiliar, like he hadn't done it in years.

“I understand you're worried Sam. But if I've learned one thing from you, it's that there is always a solution. If I find out anything at all in heaven, you'll be the first to know.”

Sam nodded and tried to mask a small sniffle. The fact that they meant so much to the angel, who had not so long ago been a stranger was touching. It was nice to know they were not alone. He reached his hand out and mirrored Castiel's small smile.

“Thank you. And thanks for looking out for my brother while I was... you know...”

Castiel shook Sam's hand, then before disappearing, laid his other one on top of their hands and held still for a moment, like a priest would do with a person seeking his guidance. It was the same thing he'd done when they'd first met. Then he was gone.

Sam took a deep breath trough his nose before going turning to go back to Bobby's house. The summer's night air smelled sweet and peaceful, making him want to stay outside longer. But he knew he had to go inside, Dean was even more protective than usual. And he couldn't blame him. He still took some time walking to Bobby's porch, taking in the quiet hum of the approaching night around him. He was sure it had been there for weeks, spring was long past them, but it's not like he'd given any attention to the nature around him. He knew the next fight would come, the next bad guy to kill, the next people to safe. For now, Sam enjoyed his moment of solace. His reward.

Sam closed the door behind himself and walked into the living room. Bobby was sitting behind his desk, a glass of Jack Daniel's in his hand.

“Done with your translating?”, he said, raising an eyebrow. Yeah, how did he think for a second he could fool Bobby. Still, Sam flinched inwardly. Bobby chuckled. “Relax, your brothers in the shower.”

Sam nodded silently, sitting down in front of the desk. He felt ashamed. Not because he'd tried to keep something from Dean and Bobby, but because someone may get a wrong impression of his motivations.

“I get it, Sam. You just got back, you want answers”, Bobby poured Sam a drink without taking his eyes off him. “And your brother, bless him, is going to be a mother hen around you the next few days.”

Sam smiled and nodded his thanks while accepting the drink from Bobby.

“Just know were here for you, alright? You ain't got nothin' to proof”

“Thanks Bobby”, Sam said and looked at the liquid in his glass. He could feel emotions rising in him again, a combination of the alcohol, the exhaustion and the events of the last days. 

“Well, I'm sorry to leave you boys alone here already, but I promised Rufus I'd meet him for a job.”

“Wow, right back into the game, huh?”, Sam tried not to sound disappointed. The world didn't stop turning just because something good happened to them for once. If he'd been honest he'd told Bobby that he couldn't care less about a hunt right now, but he did not get another word out before the older man laid a newspaper in front of him and started explaining.

“There have been instances of people who have been missing for months, sometimes years, turning up at their doorstep again. No idea what happened, like they have not been gone a day. I'm driving up to Jersey to check out two of the cases, you and your brother can take care of another one in Arkansas.”

Sam understood why this case could not wait. “People turning up again from out of nowhere?”

“Just like you, Sammy”, Dean declared. Sam flinched and turned around- he had not heard his brother come down the stairs. His hair was still wet from the shower and he was wearing different clothes. It was obvious from his expression that this was the first time he'd heard about this as well.  
Sam took a deep breath. If there was one thing he'd learned in the past few years, it was that people didn't just come back from the dead without some kind of motive. And certainly not without a price to pay.  
“So what could this be? Some kind of massive demon deal? A miracle bringing people back one by one like it happened with you and Cas?”, Sam turned looked back at Bobby, who was shrugging his shoulders.

Again, it was Dean who spoke next. “No matter what it is or what happened, we will figure it out. And we'll make damn sure everybody stays where they're supposed to be.”

As much as everything Dean was prepared to do for him scared Sam, he couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort spread out in his mind. His big brother was looking out for him. Nothing would rip them apart ever again.


	4. Silence of the Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait, thanks for sticking with me :)

It felt so familiar, just the two of them, nobody else. Dean couldn't remember the last time they had been together like this, no impending doom threatening to destroy everything around them. They were free to go wherever they wanted, to discuss everything on their minds, yet they chose to sit in Bobby's house in complete silence. 

Sam was dozing on the couch in the living room, Dean pacing about the place, getting a beer from the fridge, then finally sitting down on the floor next to his brother, leaning against the armrest next to Sam's head. They were both aware they had the entire house to themselves, but they didn't feel like going to sleep in one of the rooms, separated from one another. No need to talk about it. 

The sun was rising, throwing it's first bright patterns against the walls through the blotched windows. 

“You didn't even think about giving up this life, did you?”, Sam was looking up at the ceiling, daring to ask the question that had been on his mind since his return.

It took a few seconds, although Dean had known the question would come. He even knew his answer. He was just scared to say it. 

“Trust me, I have been thinking about that since I saw her again.”, he pulled his knees closer to his chest, placing his hands on them. “In a different life, Lisa would have been the one... but I can't put this on her and Ben. They would never be safe. I will never be able to stop.”

“So you're just going to be alone your whole life?”

“I didn't say that”

“What are you saying then?”

“I...”, Dean's voice stalled, his hands clenching into fists, then relaxing again. He gave a small, humorless laugh. “I don't know.”

He was lying, of course. Knowing that made him feel angry with himself. Was he ashamed? Scared of what people would think? When had he ever given a shit about that.

They'd been silent for minutes before Sam spoke again.

“Something happened while I was gone. Between you and Cas”  
For the first time in hours, Dean turned around, looking at his brother. His face made him lift his eyebrows. It was the face Sam made when he'd gotten wind of something Dean didn't want him to know. And when he felt really sure he'd figured it out, that smug bastard.

“You just came up with that out of nowhere?”, Deans voice was higher than usual, his nervousness showing.

“You and him were acting weird around each other. You were cold to him.”, Sam sat up and stretched, looking into the dark living room. Maybe it was better to give Dean some space.

“You're right.”

Okay, Sam had not expected that.

Dean had turned away from him again, looking at his fidgeting hands.

“I mean, it's not like we... It was just that, you were gone and...”, another pause. He stopped playing around with his fingers staring into his open hands like his next words were written inside his palms. 

“He was there for me. He made me feel safe. And he made me feel like I wanted to stay alive, even though... you know.”

Even though you weren't. 

“So you did try to hold your promise, just with another person.”, Dean didn't have to look up at his brother, he could hear the smile in his voice. He he did look up when Sam's hand clapped his shoulder. “Hey, I'm glad. You were still planning to get me back, but I guess you can't expect a full 180 overnight.”

Dean cleared his throat and rubbed his eyed with the back of his hands, something he always did when he was feeling awkward.

“Yeah. I kind of surprised myself with that one.”

Dean chuckled. So, the cat was out. Nobody freaked out, the world didn't end. Who would have guessed. The only problem he could think of at the moment was Castiel himself. Not because they had left things at kind of a weird place or because he was worried the angel didn't have feelings for him.

The issue was that the familiar trench-coated entity crash landed in Bobby's kitchen in that exact moment.

 

Dean was up and kneeling down next to Castiel before Sam flicked on the light switch of the kitchen. He was pushing himself up against the wall next to the fridge, flinching when Dean's hand touched his shoulder.

“Whoa, easy there, Cas”, Dean spoke softly, almost whispering. “It's just me.”

“Sam's here, too”, he added when he felt his brother crouching down next to him. 

Wide eyes where staring into his, cloudless as ever. Castiel reached out with his right hand and grabbed Dean's collar, as if to steady himself and get himself together. He was shaking, cold sweat coated his forehead.

“He's in shock”, Sam stated. He tapped the angels cheek, calling his name.

Dean gave him a worried glance. They had seen terrible things happening to the angel, from being cast out of heaven to being ripped apart by Lucifer. What could have possible fazed him this much?

“Help me get him to the couch”, Dean said to his brother, taking one of Castiel's arms before Sam took the other. 

They maneuvered the unresponsive angel into the living room, to the same spot they had been occupying just a few minutes ago. Dean had to pry Castiel's fingers from his shirt in order to lay him down an cover him with a blanket, and as soon as he sat down by his friends legs, he noticed the look on his face, seeking someone familiar. 

Dean placed a hand on a trembling shoulder, breathing words so quietly that not even Sam, standing a few feet away from them, could understand them. He asked himself if Sam would have done the same thing and let them have their space if they hadn't had their little brotherly heart to heart that night. 

And he noticed that not long ago, Castiel had been the one taking care of him. 

Had he felt this helpless, wishing he could make him feel better, desperate to know how?

Weakened by his rattled state and whatever had put him in this position Cas' eyes soon began to flutter shut, his breathing becoming more even. As much as it unnerved the Winchesters to see their friend fade away, it was probably the best thing to hope for right now.

Both of them took a deep breath before looking at each other. 

“What the hell happened to him?”, Sam whispered, stepping closer to his brother.

“Well, he said he wanted to return to heaven”, Dean furrowed his eyebrows, not taking his eyes off the sleeping form. “Do you think they still see him as an enemy up there? Maybe the angels attacked him and he got away.”

“If they did, the are a bunch of resentful pricks”, Sam realized what he'd said when his brother gave him a face. “I meant even more resentful then we thought. He helped saved all of us. Who knows how many angels would have died if he hadn't helped us-”

“They are all gone”, declared a voice next to them. It had definitely come out of Castiel's mouth, but it sounded more monotone and detached than it ever had. Even back when they'd first met.


	5. Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait, thanks for sticking around and enjoy :)

Of course he didn't meet Rufus in Jersey like they'd arranged. 

Shortly after he'd left the house, he got a call about two other cases of people turning up in their home town after disappearing a few months ago. He got the tip from a local sheriff, so he decided he would drive there and check it out first. The sheriff told him this had literally just happened and was completely flabbergasted, do there would be little to no press to bother any investigation. 

Also, it was only a few hours away from home, and even though Bobby Singer would never admit it to their face, he didn't want to be to far away from Sam and Dean right now. He'd just gotten them back. He wanted to give them their space, a little time to process being back in each others life, but they were his sons. He already missed them terribly. He was afraid he would wake up any moment and he would be back in his house again, alone, Sam dead and Dean on some kind of self destructive path. 

Good thing he had not met up with Rufus. He could smell an old wuss from a mile away.

The first name his contact had given him was that of 19 year old Alison McGrath. College student, lived with her parents, well-liked, good student, as boring as they come. 

Except that 14 months ago, she seemed to have decided to just walk out of her parents house in the middle of the night, no signs of break-inn or kidnapping, no note, nothing. Not a clue the whole, time, a family devastated. Yesterday evening she walked back into her parents house, in the exact same clothes, not harmed in the slightest way, completely fine and happy. Well, almost too happy. 

Bobby checked the fake ID in his suit jacket once more before ringing the doorbell. The family was probably already tired of police interviews and the countless questions thrown at them by everyone around them. He just hoped this was some kind of harmless case of teenage runaway, who just turned up back home at the exact same time as a lot of other people. No big bad master plan, nobody harmed, everyone just go back to your normal life. Right, like that ever happened.

There was no answer for a few moments after ringing, so Bobby tried again. And again.

Two cars in the driveway. It was 8.30am and he could not imagine the family had just gone down to the local Wendy's to celebrate their daughter's surprise return while being gawked at by everybody in nothing-ever-happens-in-this-small-town-so-ill-get-my-share-of-excitement-this-way-ville.

Something was definitely wrong, then. 

That thought was quickly confirmed when he felt something touch his shoulder from behind, then the feeling of being lifted of his feet, and seconds later different ground beneath him.

 

“Cas?”

Eyes open once again, the angel stared at the ceiling. Before they could ask anything else, his lips started to move again, his words clear and troublesomely calm.

“I got to heaven, and I found my brothers and sisters, all slaughtered. I went from one heaven to another, It must have been hundreds. I could not find one angel still alive.”

The Winchesters looked at each other, completely at loss. They both knew there was nothing to say to make this anything but unbearable, they had been through it themselves. So what could they do?

Dean crouched down next to Castiel, brushing his fingertips over the other man's palm ever so softly. When there was no reaction, he tried to speak just as gently:

“Cas, please look at me.”

Dean saw how blue eyes became more moist, tears falling a moment later, without any noise, any facial movement whatsoever. It was like something inside the angel had broken and was leaking out of his body, even before emotions had fully caught up.

Dean felt like something in his gut had ruptured himself, not just because his friend had to go through this, but also because he couldn't help him. He knew exactly what this felt like, the complete emptiness and feeling of being alone. He could only wait until the grief and the real pain hit him. And he knew that would be even worse.

He was ripped from his thoughts by a flutter of wings and a voice behind him.

“Huh. Looks like you guys already know what happened upstairs.”

Bobby's kitchen ad some kind of appeal to other-worldy beings, it looked like, because the second angel that day had just landed with their friend in tow. Dean was certain it was an angel, because for one, Bobby was alive and seemed relatively cool about his net companion. Also, he already looked like a massive douchebag. Blonde hair, smug, pretty boy face, low cut V-neck... the accent was almost comical.

"Which one are you?" Dean had no patience for niceness. He steppen in front of his friend and his brother and patted his jacket to see if he had anything inside his pocket that would hurt an angel. He didn't. "Bobby, you okay?", he asked, giving him a worried look. 

"Yeah, 'm fine. You should hear the guy out, though." Without further ado Bobby stepped to a nearby cabinet and started rummaging for a bottle of whiskey and glasses. Uh-oh. He already had an idea of what was going on, and it wasn't good.

Meanwhile the blonde angel had stepped next to Dean and was looking at Castiel. After a few seconds he crouched down and laid a hand on the back of Cas' head. Dean felt a flesh of jealousy in his gut. They, were brothers, sure, but who'd been there for Castiel in the last few months? Not one of the angels, that's for damn sure.

"Balthazar" Castiels voice whispered. "How are you alive?"

"Same way you are, little brother" the blonde haired man laid his palms on his siblings shoulder, smiling. "We were both on earth when it happened"

"When what happened?" Sam asked, reluctant to disturb the family reunion, but also hungry for answers. Balthazar's smile faded, he turned his head in Sam's direction, but didn't look him directly in the eye, like he was something hideous to aovoid.

"You and your brother. And your great plan of putting the two most powerful archangels that ever existed in a cage together. Did you really think there was no backup plan!?" He was almost screaming his last words, the he turned around to Castiel again, who seemed to have no idea what was going on.

"What kind of backup plan?" Dean wanted to step closer the the two angels, but Sam put a hand on his arm to hold him back. It didn't seem like the safe or smart thing to do right now. They both turned to look at Bobby, who was sitting in his chair behind his desk.

Staring into the brown liquid in his glass, Bobby began to explain. "Looks like we underestimated how afraid everybody was of Lucifer. We never stopped to asked why the angels were so damn sure Michael would beat him, if they had a emergency plan. Well, turns out they had."

"W-wait..." Sam stuttered, not quite sure what scenario had formed in his mind.

"Are you telling us that, in case Michael didn't see any other way, he could just... push the big red button on heaven, so to speak?" Dean asked.

Balthazar got up from the floor, staring at the Winchesters for a few seconds. Then he nodded.

"Michael should have beaten Lucifer on his own, but in case anything happened, in case he didn't, they still needed to fullfill their destiny. Michael wins, Lucifer looses, that's how it will always end. Our father made sure of that. He didn't care if he had to sacrifice all of heaven's souls to do so."

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews are love :)
> 
> I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes, I am not a native english speaker or writer.


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